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If you are going buy something to add to your ToyBox perhaps it is wise to buy quality rather than quantity. A flogger with no balance and made from inferior leather that turns to the consistency of dried spagetti after one use is hardly a good investment. "Oh but it was cheap" I hear you say, "and easily replaced". Well after you have replaced it a c
Consensual Slavery - Is it a Myth? John Locke, who defined slavery as a state of suspended war where one person is conquered and has no rights relative to his captor, also said that no one could become consensually enslaved since they cannot give away what they do not own. You can free yourself from a despot at any time by taking your own life.
Webster's dictionary defines communication as "the act of transmitting; a giving or exchanging of information, signals or messages as by talk, gestures, or writing." In a D/s relationship communication is vital. So what are the ways to communicate with others so that needs and feelings can be related, but the lifestyle and emotional well-being of both
I hate articles that give basic dictionary definitions for things that can't be defined in mere words alone, but I'm going to anyway. If we take the meaning of "true" as "fully realised or fulfilled", and merge it with "submit" as meaning "to yield onself to the authority or will of another", we have a concept of a person who has fully realised or ful
The dance of Dominance and subMission is an act of love in my world. It's an acceptance of the roles we choose to live by. For some it is learnt...for others it comes naturally...yet others fall into it for a myriad of reasons. It can be as beautifully simple as deeply complex and to expect any less of a lifestyle such as D/s, would be to do it injust
Thoughts on switching and switches is quite the scandalous subject. Some believe that within this lifestyle, one takes on either the role of the top or the bottom. That there is no way possible for one to switch from a sadist to a masochist at the blink of an eye. They say switching is comparable to those that are bisexual. Being that those who claim
Does love really has to hurt? According to artist David Cata it obviously does. He is a multidisciplinary artist from Spain who recently created a series of works where he sewed portraits of people who have left a mark on his life into the palm of his hand. David Cata's portrait project is both interesting and slightly disturbing, so viewer discretion
The decision to seek psychotherapy is often a major one in our lives. It is filled with anxiety, both about our need for psychotherapy and the therapist him/herself. It is not always easy under average circumstances, and certainly becomes less so when an alternative lifestyle is involved. We recommend finding a kink aware professional whenever poss
Armory Studios announces 7-week fall BDSM course. Participatory workshops open to all experience levels begin September 5. Kink Company performer and BDSM expert Madison Young is partnering with Armory Studios to lead a seven-week intensive BDSM workshop for couples beginning September 5. The fall course, entitled, "An Intimate Exploration of Dominanc
BDSM Events. May 2013. MAY 4. Threshold (USA). Slaves for Passion (Holland). MAY 5. Maison de Sade (UK). The Baroness Fetish Retinue (USA). MAY 8. DomCon Los Angeles (USA). MAY 10. Torture Garden Boat Party (UK). Bound (USA). MAY 11. Bristol Alternative & Burlesque Fair (UK). Misbehave (Holland). Store Event (USA). Club St Andre (France). Torture Gard
According to ER doctors, getting foreign objects stuck in your anus is surprisingly common. The items on this list are weirder than most, however. We've gone beyond the "usual" bottles and dildos to bring you these truly bizarre items that have all been found lodged in peoples' bums. Something tells us that they didn't really slip and "fall" onto thes
It is impossible to say who the first people were with stretched ears, or why they did it. Today, many cultures (including our own!) practice the art of ear stretching for many different reasons. Religion, coming of age ceremonies, warding off evil, sexual enhancement and physical beauty are common motivations. However, that just barely scratches the
My girlfriend and I read your site, and I have you to thank for being comfortable enough with my kinks to tell her about my interest in BDSM. She has indulged all my kinky fantasies and discovered some of her own. Our latest adventure has her locking up my dick in a CB-6000 male chastity device. The play/sex has been super-fun so far, but we want to b
When we consider some of the various barbaric practices that were commonplace in the lives of our ancestors, we tend to look at them with a judgmental eye - thinking of them as uncivilized, and downright savage. Most of us would even admit to wondering if our violent predecessors, like those who relished the bloody gladiator games or those who condone
BDSM Events. March 2013. MARCH 2. The Gate (UK). Threshold (USA). Kinky Salon Super-Eros (Holland). MARCH 3. Sadistique (Italy). The Baroness Fetish Retinue (USA). MARCH 7. Texas Latex Party (USA). Club BLack Whip (UK). MARCH 8. Lash (UK). MARCH 9. Impulsion (UK). Club St Andre – Inquisition Party (France). Masqued Mischief Fetish Party (USA). MARCH

Click here to read more about Needleplay and Piercing

Needle play and piercing have only one single difference in actual activity, in that a piercing is intended to then have an item of jewellery placed in and remain, whereas needles are removed and discarded. On a more personal level however, the differences are vast. Being an invasive activity safety protocols are of course, paramount. (But hey, some of the jewellery is really pretty! It even comes in glow in the dark stuff so you can find your lost subbie in a dark room).

Needle play is sensation play. Depending on the placement of the needles it can range from medium levels, such as on the skin of a forearm, to incredibly intense when used on genitals or breasts. Needles can be placed singly, in pairs, in rows, in patterns. Generally when placing more than a single needle the process is quite quick with many being done in rapid succession. An adrenaline high usually soon follows and the needles are removed as it dips. If only left in for a short amount of time, there is in fact usually very little blood. (Course for those on blood sports and fetishes this can be changed!)

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Begin by deciding where you’ll create your mummy. A “dungeon” is a natural choice, but so is a bedroom: you can stretch your completed mummy out on the bed and even join him or her for a little intimate fun. Just remember that, once your mummy’s completed (or nearly so), if it’s going to move anywhere you’ll have to transport it… so choose carefully.

Once you’ve decided where you’ll be working, gather what you’ll need. For plastic wraps, you’ll of course need one or more rolls of plastic wrap. How many will depend on the length and width of the roll, as well as the size of the person you’re wrapping. You can do several mummifications with a single roll of pallet wrap, but it might take a couple of rolls of plastic kitchen wrap to get through one session. For duct tape wraps, how much you’ll need again depends on the length of the roll and the size of the subject. You’ll generally use about one and a half average-sized rolls of duct tape. In addition to whatever you’re wrapping with, you’ll need a couple of washcloths or other padding. If you’d like to engage in a little nipple play after your mummy is completed, add a couple of cotton balls and a paper clip… And don’t forget your bandage scissors!

Of course there’s one more thing you’ll need and that’s your volunteer, who also needs to prepare. A mummification scene can easily take 30 minutes to several hours. Unless you want your mummy to suffer, a quick trip to the bathroom before starting is highly advisable!

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Mummification is a specialized form of bondage and sensory deprivation which involves wrapping the subject in some material or combination of materials. Mummification can be either quite severe or relatively gentle and comfortable, depending on the materials and techniques used. Regardless of severity, it tends to be one of the more involved “scenes,” as a full body wrap takes quite a long time to accomplish. But for those who enjoy it, it’s definitely worth the time and effort! Most people associate mummification with full body wraps, but the same techniques can be used on isolated body parts. For example, an electrical tape “head wrap” serves as an interesting and potentially severe hood, while arm or leg wraps can quickly immobilize a submissive.

The general idea is simple: you’re going to make a mummy, rather like what you remember from those old black-and-white horror movies. This is done by wrapping material around the submissive’s body. How you go about it will depend on your goals. For a gentle, comfortable wrap, you could use elastic bandages. If you want this to be more about bondage and helplessness, use duct tape over pallet wrap, wrapping the legs together and the arms against the body. For sensory deprivation, wrap each limb separately before doing an over-wrap… and you might consider inserting foam ear plugs before you wrap the head and cut off the mummy’s eyesight.

Some materials are fairly common in mummification, and they can be broken down into a few broad classes:

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Few topics in the BDSM world generate as much debate as does the issue of punishment. Whatever form it takes, it is an integral part of every D/s relationship, and is the source of much misunderstanding.

It’s important to understand one fundamental thing about punishment. By it’s nature, it is something that is not enjoyable. It is unwelcome, to be avoided, and acts as negative motivation (“I’ll not do this because if I do, something I don’t like will happen to me.”) Many novices confuse “punishment” for something that is erotic and enjoyable: a spanking, a flogging – something desirable. But it is not. Punishment is not play. Punishment is meant for one reason only: to alter behavior. It is a useful and necessary tool, and exists in some form in every close relationship we have. With it, dominants can teach submissives how to behave and help submissives modify their behavior to better please.

There is only one fundamental offense: displeasing the dominant. Failing to do so or intentionally displeasing the dominant is grounds for punishment, and it is the dominant alone who makes the decision as to whether or not the submissive has been pleasing. Punishment can take many forms – from a disapproving look to a beating – and is limited only by your imagination and how well you know your submissive.

Is there too much corporal punishment in the scene? It is the easy way out for many dominants. Often it is a reaction, rather than something that is considered. It takes much more effort to come up with a non-physical method of correction. Many of us were brought up with corporal punishment, learning that misbehavior should lead to physical pain. Those social influences can be very powerful. In the long run, however, physical punishment is usually the least effective way to alter behavior.

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There is no way to spot a Dominant at ten paces. Unfortunately many submissives, and particularly novices, are impressed by these superficial things, making it easy for Dominant fakers. Anyone can learn to swing a flogger, talk in BDSMspeak, and wear 13 pounds of leather; but these do not a Dominant make.

If you want a quality partner you’ll have to take some time and get to know them. In some ways, choosing a good Dominant is similar choosing a good partner in general. In others it’s quite different because of the unique style of our relationships. They key difference is that when we go into subspace, we make ourselves vulnerable in ways that we may never do with a vanilla partner. This makes the D/s relationship far riskier and we must take extra care when choosing partners. Here are some things to look for, to avoid, and to ignore in your search for a quality Dominant.

A Dominant Is…

Respect

A quality Dominant shows respect to submissives, and to everyone. He or she asks questions about your life, listens to the answers, and doesn’t put you down.

Balance

A quality Dominant keeps a balance between their vanilla and BDSM lives. They can talk about their family, pets, other things that have nothing to do with BDSM. They have a sense of humor about the lifestyle, and don’t take themselves too seriously. Avoid Dominants with a chip on their shoulder, or who cannot hold a job or keep friends. Especially avoid people who complain about their ex partners or about everyone else in the scene. One day you will be the ex and they will be bitching about you.

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Anal sex (or anal intercourse) include sexual acts involving the anus, including pegging, anal–oral sex, fingering, object insertion, insertion of the penis into the anus of a sexual partner. Anal sex has been around for as long as sex itself. The anus was probably the second body cavity investigated by Neanderthal Man or maybe the first depending on the sexuality of the Neanderthal. The first of all Dominants. Take what he wanted when he wanted. Master of his domain. So, we are at a loss as to when it became a perversion or taboo, something dirty or demeaning, humiliating or forbidden. When the term “Stick it up your arse” became a derogatory remark rather than a term of endearment. Who knows these things?

Anal sex is not exclusively and solely something experienced by gay men; it is very much a part of lovemaking between heterosexual couples. Men and women of all walks of life enjoy anal sex as an alternative to vaginal lovemaking. It’s not for everyone, that must be clearly understood from the outset, but for some anal sex has become an added spice to their erotic play. Yet another sexual experience to be shared between two people. Be it a taboo one at that.

The biggest hurdle some people have with anal sex is one small four letter word “shit”. “Eat shit and die mother fucker”. Yet another phrase we have all heard. “Shit” however actually plays a very small part and can be almost totally controlled although the bacteria cannot be. So the next hurdle would be the preconceived notion that: “It is dirty”. Well probably not anymore than having sex during a woman’s period. Or screwing for two weeks and not washing. Which ever way you look at it we are conditioned from birth against anal play. To understand some of the rhetoric expounded against the act of anal sex we must first look at where it has come from. Religion? Community Standards? Historical Records? Probably all of these things and more.
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Male genital torment, or CBT; cock and ball torture. Male genitals come in such a great variety of shapes and sizes. Each male responds differently to stimulation. I have found a few techniques that are suitable for most any male. I will be going into these and addressing more advanced types of CBT in a future issue.

Most men experience limited stimulation or repetitive stimulation and may find these techniques helpful in creating a more vivid sexual life. My man appreciates it when I bind him to the bed with his legs spread wide and his cock and balls exposed. I like to sit between his legs with my toys within reach. I use both hands to caress him all over his crotch. If you are not partnered, I suggest using latex gloves. I want him to feel relaxed and secure. It is important to communicate with him on what is working and what is not. I stimulate all the areas around his genitals with my hands, purposefully not touching his cock. I enjoy using a light feathery touch to start and build pressure up slowly. The hair is also receptive to stimulation. Stroke it, comb it with your fingers, tug on it. I will stroke his balls and capture them with my fingers at the base of his balls. Then I can stretch and pull them gently, slowly building the pressure. I let my fingertips glide over his captured balls, feeling the skin of his scrotum stretched over his balls. Remember what you hold in your hands and remember that he trusts you. Even though this may be a CBT scene feel free to touch other parts of his body. Tit play fits in nicely with CBT so give his nipples some attention when you play with him.
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Foot binding began late in the T’ang Dynasty (618-906) and it gradually spread through the upper class during the Song Dynasty (960-1297). During the Ming period (1368-1644) and the Ching Dynasty (1644-1911) the custom of foot binding spread through the overwhelming majority of the Chinese population until it was finally outlawed in the 1911 Revolution of Sun Yat-Sen.

There are several legends that endeavor to account for the inception of this custom, one is that the concubine of a Chinese prince named Yao Niang walked so gracefully that it seemed as if she “skimmed over the top of golden lilies.” At that time the “lily footed woman” or a woman with bound feet became the model in China. A second legend says that this concubine, Yao Niang, was ordered to bind her feet so that her feet would look like new moons. A third legend says that women bound their feet out of sympathy for an Empress with club feet. Yet another originating in the Sung dynasty (960-976 BC) in the court of Prince Li Yu, whose favorite concubine who was required to dance with her feet bound, toe-dancing an early variation of ballet, the royal craze moved down the social ladder, eventually reaching peasants who hoped to achieve higher status through smaller feet.
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First Time Play is different for everyone. How it comes about is different. Who it is done with. What you class as play. Different levels. Different situations. Different considerations. But there are some standards, that for safety’s sake, should be taken into account.

Many people had their first BDSM experience before the arrival of the internet. There wasn’t the same promotion of the SSC lifestyle, the lifestyle itself didn’t seem to be as cohesive as it is today (except for the Old Leather scene), and contact with other BDSMers was usually accidentally discovered or explored within relationships. There were no resources promoting safe ways to do what it is we do. Common sense had to be assumed.

For many, those first experiences occurred within loving relationships, where one partner bravely admitted a kinky desire to the other, and aspects of BDSM were explored that way. That was great…as long as the one doing the tying didn’t cut off circulation or do nerve damage. It was mainly trial and error. Something felt good…it worked. Something felt bad…figure out a way to do it next time that will make it feel good.

In a more current sense, with the advent of the internet, vast numbers of people now have access to information about the BDSM lifestyle. Whole new communities have sprung up internationally. Networks of BDSMers are commonplace now. It’s now easy to meet like minded people, if you have the courage to act on your desires. And, there are benefits and disadvantages to this as well. On one hand, the potential for meaningful, interactive relationships, no matter what their definition, is vastly enhanced. On the other hand, it also means that there are greater numbers of people seeking some kind of BDSM interaction with, sometimes, little knowledge of what it is they are actually doing or getting involved in. This means it can be risky. The idea is to minimize the risks.
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A UK BDSM club called Collared has taken on Facebook over its total ban on all kink and BDSM pages and groups, and has won a review of the policy. Last week Facebook wrote to Collared to confirm that it was actively enforcing a total ban on all fetish and BDSM content and that all fetish related groups and pages on its site will be subject to deletion without exception.

Collared had sought clarification of the policy followed the removal of the Facebook Collared Events page on February 4th. The Collared page was deleted by Facebook following a complaint from a site user.

However following extensive communication with senior staff of the company Collared has successfully lobbied the Internet giant to review the ban. Facebook is currently engaged in a wide ranging “internal dialogue” to clarify the prohibition and to determine whether a total ban is justified. Collared will be consulted throughout this process.

Facebook has reiterated that the review process will not necessarily result in a reversal of the ban. Instead it may focus on creating greater consistency, clarity and transparency in the enforcement of the prohibition.
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