BDSM Articles
If you are going buy something to add to your ToyBox perhaps it is wise to buy quality rather than quantity. A flogger with no balance and made from inferior leather that turns to the consistency of dried spagetti after one use is hardly a good investment. “Oh but it was cheap” I hear you say, “and easily replaced”. Well after you have replaced it a couple of times you could in fact had a good quality one. It is a bit like buying Chinese tools…and then actually using them to construct a Carlo Bugatti Chair. No hope at all.
Consensual Slavery – Is it a Myth?
John Locke, who defined slavery as a state of suspended war where one person is conquered and has no rights relative to his captor, also said that no one could become consensually enslaved since they cannot give away what they do not own. You can free yourself from a despot at any time by taking your own life. If fear of your own demise stops you, then you can be enslaved by someone who is willing and able to exercise this threat against you. Because consensual enslavement does not include a threat to one’s life by one’s owner, it cannot be real enslavement according to Locke.
Webster’s dictionary defines communication as “the act of transmitting; a giving or exchanging of information, signals or messages as by talk, gestures, or writing.” In a D/s relationship communication is vital. So what are the ways to communicate with others so that needs and feelings can be related, but the lifestyle and emotional well-being of both can be maintained? It is important to find, understand and practice the different ways to communicate, keeping in mind a relationship with anyone should be based on honesty, trust and communication. Communication cannot exist without honesty and trust, and honesty and trust cannot exist without communication. If none of these qualities exist in your relationship with someone, and especially in a blossoming relationship with a Dom/me, then there really can be no relationship.
I hate articles that give basic dictionary definitions for things that can’t be defined in mere words alone, but I’m going to anyway. If we take the meaning of “true” as “fully realised or fulfilled”, and merge it with “submit” as meaning “to yield onself to the authority or will of another”, we have a concept of a person who has fully realised or fulfilled their submission by surrendering control of onself to another. To be literal, it can’t exist alone.
It raises some questions, and these questions fall into an “either or” context. The term appears exclusionary and somewhat elite. It says, a “true submissive” would live/behave/act/exist a certain way, which is undefinable in itself, and those who don’t live/behave/act/exist in that way are something else. Just a submissive?
The dance of Dominance and subMission is an act of love in my world. It’s an acceptance of the roles we choose to live by. For some it is learnt…for others it comes naturally…yet others fall into it for a myriad of reasons. It can be as beautifully simple as deeply complex and to expect any less of a lifestyle such as D/s, would be to do it injustice.
On the surface, the notion of giving yourself for pleasure alone…of wanting for nothing more than to serve your Master…appeals deeply for some. It can look idealistically romantic from a distance. But what about within? What drives someone to surrender their control to another human being?
For me…subMission isn’t about being a submissive person full stop. I don’t define myself in terms of dominant or submissive in my day to day life. I am who i am without labels. However, i am submissive to one Man, and He i call Master. To Him i have given my control. Why?
Thoughts on switching and switches is quite the scandalous subject. Some believe that within this lifestyle, one takes on either the role of the top or the bottom. That there is no way possible for one to switch from a sadist to a masochist at the blink of an eye. They say switching is comparable to those that are bisexual. Being that those who claim to be not one or the other, but in between, are just confused.
On the other side of the spectrum, people say it is healthy to act out both sides. The desires are there whether they are of the curious nature, or a craving.
I am a switch, and this is why I like who I am and what I do. Starting off, I will let you know where I am coming from. Growing up, I was very dominant in my friendships and relationships. There was also a very sadistic side to me. It always put a smile on my face that I was able to control people, and inflict pain. Again, I was young, and had no idea that there was a label, and better yet a community where this was accepted and understood.
The decision to seek psychotherapy is often a major one in our lives. It is filled with anxiety, both about our need for psychotherapy and the therapist him/herself. It is not always easy under average circumstances, and certainly becomes less so when an alternative lifestyle is involved.
We recommend finding a kink aware professional whenever possible. There is a level of depth in D/s relationships that is not achieved in vanilla relationships for the most part. There is a level of communication, a level of knowledge and awareness of your partner that people in vanilla relationships tend to shy away from because it is too intense. You need a psychotherapist that understands this.
You also need someone who does not view BDSM as a mental illness. The last thing you need is someone trying to cure you of your perversion. When you visit a psychotherapist that is not kink aware, you are the expert. The psychotherapist, in order to equalize the situation, may attempt to make you feel as if your kink is a perversion and not a lifestyle choice.
It is impossible to say who the first people were with stretched ears, or why they did it. Today, many cultures (including our own!) practice the art of ear stretching for many different reasons. Religion, coming of age ceremonies, warding off evil, sexual enhancement and physical beauty are common motivations. However, that just barely scratches the surface as there are many other reasons, as well. People all over the world still practice ear stretching. From the Masai tribes in Kenya to the Huaorani tribe in the Amazon Basin, stretched ears are still a common sight. It is a fascinating testament of human culture that a Western youth can walk into a piercing shop to select stretched ear jewelry while a Hmong youth in Thailand selects from an array of silver tubes.
My girlfriend and I read your site, and I have you to thank for being comfortable enough with my kinks to tell her about my interest in BDSM. She has indulged all my kinky fantasies and discovered some of her own. Our latest adventure has her locking up my dick in a CB-6000 male chastity device. The play/sex has been super-fun so far, but we want to be aware of any health and safety concerns. We’re most concerned about whether restricting erections with a chastity belt can cause nerve damage, erectile dysfunctiom or other issues. Should I be concerned about having my erections constricted while being teased or wearing it overnight? We plan on taking off the device for sexual play, which we do about five times a week, so there would be plenty of opportunities for my guy to stretch out. Is there any issue with having the device on long-term while soft, in regards to the cock ring that serves as the back end of the device? If it is fitted properly, are there any negative effects to having this on for a day? A week? A month? I find it odd that manufacturers don’t provide more information about this. From what I’ve read online, there seem to be a lot of guys who stay locked way more long-term than I’m planning.
Lock On Cock Kausing Erectile Dysfunction?
When we consider some of the various barbaric practices that were commonplace in the lives of our ancestors, we tend to look at them with a judgmental eye – thinking of them as uncivilized, and downright savage. Most of us would even admit to wondering if our violent predecessors, like those who relished the bloody gladiator games or those who condoned cruel medieval torture chambers, were actually less evolved than those alive today.
But has humankind really progressed that much, or are we just as bloodthirsty and ruthless as ever? If you’re under the impression that we are somehow more enlightened, you might be surprised by some of the ancient, barbaric practices that still exist throughout the world.