If you are going buy something to add to your ToyBox perhaps it is wise to buy quality rather than quantity. A flogger with no balance and made from inferior leather that turns to the consistency of dried spagetti after one use is hardly a good investment. “Oh but it was cheap” I hear you say, “and easily replaced”. Well after you have replaced it a couple of times you could in fact had a good quality one. It is a bit like buying Chinese tools…and then actually using them to construct a Carlo Bugatti Chair. No hope at all.
Consensual Slavery – Is it a Myth?
John Locke, who defined slavery as a state of suspended war where one person is conquered and has no rights relative to his captor, also said that no one could become consensually enslaved since they cannot give away what they do not own. You can free yourself from a despot at any time by taking your own life. If fear of your own demise stops you, then you can be enslaved by someone who is willing and able to exercise this threat against you. Because consensual enslavement does not include a threat to one’s life by one’s owner, it cannot be real enslavement according to Locke.
Webster’s dictionary defines communication as “the act of transmitting; a giving or exchanging of information, signals or messages as by talk, gestures, or writing.” In a D/s relationship communication is vital. So what are the ways to communicate with others so that needs and feelings can be related, but the lifestyle and emotional well-being of both can be maintained? It is important to find, understand and practice the different ways to communicate, keeping in mind a relationship with anyone should be based on honesty, trust and communication. Communication cannot exist without honesty and trust, and honesty and trust cannot exist without communication. If none of these qualities exist in your relationship with someone, and especially in a blossoming relationship with a Dom/me, then there really can be no relationship.
I hate articles that give basic dictionary definitions for things that can’t be defined in mere words alone, but I’m going to anyway. If we take the meaning of “true” as “fully realised or fulfilled”, and merge it with “submit” as meaning “to yield onself to the authority or will of another”, we have a concept of a person who has fully realised or fulfilled their submission by surrendering control of onself to another. To be literal, it can’t exist alone.
It raises some questions, and these questions fall into an “either or” context. The term appears exclusionary and somewhat elite. It says, a “true submissive” would live/behave/act/exist a certain way, which is undefinable in itself, and those who don’t live/behave/act/exist in that way are something else. Just a submissive?
The dance of Dominance and subMission is an act of love in my world. It’s an acceptance of the roles we choose to live by. For some it is learnt…for others it comes naturally…yet others fall into it for a myriad of reasons. It can be as beautifully simple as deeply complex and to expect any less of a lifestyle such as D/s, would be to do it injustice.
On the surface, the notion of giving yourself for pleasure alone…of wanting for nothing more than to serve your Master…appeals deeply for some. It can look idealistically romantic from a distance. But what about within? What drives someone to surrender their control to another human being?
For me…subMission isn’t about being a submissive person full stop. I don’t define myself in terms of dominant or submissive in my day to day life. I am who i am without labels. However, i am submissive to one Man, and He i call Master. To Him i have given my control. Why?
Thoughts on switching and switches is quite the scandalous subject. Some believe that within this lifestyle, one takes on either the role of the top or the bottom. That there is no way possible for one to switch from a sadist to a masochist at the blink of an eye. They say switching is comparable to those that are bisexual. Being that those who claim to be not one or the other, but in between, are just confused.
On the other side of the spectrum, people say it is healthy to act out both sides. The desires are there whether they are of the curious nature, or a craving.
I am a switch, and this is why I like who I am and what I do. Starting off, I will let you know where I am coming from. Growing up, I was very dominant in my friendships and relationships. There was also a very sadistic side to me. It always put a smile on my face that I was able to control people, and inflict pain. Again, I was young, and had no idea that there was a label, and better yet a community where this was accepted and understood.
Does love really has to hurt? According to artist David Cata it obviously does. He is a multidisciplinary artist from Spain who recently created a series of works where he sewed portraits of people who have left a mark on his life into the palm of his hand. David Cata’s portrait project is both interesting and slightly disturbing, so viewer discretion is advised. He describes his ongoing series, “A Flor De Piel” as an autobiographical diary of which his skin is the canvas. Instead of putting paint to canvas, Cata creates portraits of the people in his life using a needle, thread, and the palms of his hands.
It seems like David chose this bizarre form of art to symbolize union and separation; pain and love in the act of sewing beautiful portraits of people into his palms and then ripping them out. Cata documents this action with photography and videography, imprinting his life story into various surfaces. Each portrait takes about four hours to complete. After completing each picture David picks the needlework out of his hand before starting on the next one.
The decision to seek psychotherapy is often a major one in our lives. It is filled with anxiety, both about our need for psychotherapy and the therapist him/herself. It is not always easy under average circumstances, and certainly becomes less so when an alternative lifestyle is involved.
We recommend finding a kink aware professional whenever possible. There is a level of depth in D/s relationships that is not achieved in vanilla relationships for the most part. There is a level of communication, a level of knowledge and awareness of your partner that people in vanilla relationships tend to shy away from because it is too intense. You need a psychotherapist that understands this.
You also need someone who does not view BDSM as a mental illness. The last thing you need is someone trying to cure you of your perversion. When you visit a psychotherapist that is not kink aware, you are the expert. The psychotherapist, in order to equalize the situation, may attempt to make you feel as if your kink is a perversion and not a lifestyle choice.
Armory Studios announces 7-week fall BDSM course. Participatory workshops open to all experience levels begin September 5. Kink Company performer and BDSM expert Madison Young is partnering with Armory Studios to lead a seven-week intensive BDSM workshop for couples beginning September 5. The fall course, entitled, “An Intimate Exploration of Dominance and Submission,” will include a series of intimacy labs, live demonstrations and hands-on workshops aimed at couples and triads — whether mildly curious about D/s relationships or well-versed in the lifestyle.
“This is a really unique journey no matter where you are in your experience,” says Young, who has been teaching sexuality workshops since 2004. “Each class builds on the last, and shows how each aspect — physical, emotional, technique, and negotiation — builds on the others.”
Unlike traditional Armory Studios workshops, the classes are not offered a la cart. Instead, Young has designed a comprehensive program with hands-on instruction, readings and homework. The course begins on Thursday September 5, and happens consecutive Thursday nights through October 17th.