The dance of Dominance and subMission is an act of love in my world. It’s an acceptance of the roles we choose to live by. For some it is learnt…for others it comes naturally…yet others fall into it for a myriad of reasons. It can be as beautifully simple as deeply complex and to expect any less of a lifestyle such as D/s, would be to do it injustice.
On the surface, the notion of giving yourself for pleasure alone…of wanting for nothing more than to serve your Master…appeals deeply for some. It can look idealistically romantic from a distance. But what about within? What drives someone to surrender their control to another human being?
For me…subMission isn’t about being a submissive person full stop. I don’t define myself in terms of dominant or submissive in my day to day life. I am who i am without labels. However, i am submissive to one Man, and He i call Master. To Him i have given my control. Why?
Perhaps it’s not an easy question for me to answer. I spent a great deal of the early part of my journey delving into my psyche and all the why’s and what for’s of this path i have chosen. I’ve now reached a point where the thought is evaporating. I have no need to understand the why’s and what for’s. I have come to a point of acceptance and it just is. It shouldn’t be misconstrued as apathy or complacency…far from it. The internal workings of my partnership with Master are very much my focus, rather than the reasons i am here at all. Within the surrender to Him, there is freedom for me. There is openness and vulnerability and He sees me for who i really am. There is nowhere to hide and He accepts me completely. He is worthy of these things.
In my mind, this is part of the surrender. This is scratching the surface and seeing what is underneath. This is seeing what we’re really made of….of seeing what substance there is…and whether the foundations are strong. It’s accepting and trusting His guidance to a point where it no longer becomes a question of why it happens, but an acceptance that it happens.
We spend most of our lives working towards control of some kind. From our very first steps of independence to finally breaking free of our parents establishing ourselves as controllers of our own destinies. Mostly, we try to make the right choices that go towards maintaining a healthy control over ourselves and our children…if we have them. And i know i work hard to do that. So how is it reconciled that i control my day to day life…and surrender control to my Master?
There are obligations i must fulfil in order to function as a healthy woman/mother. I must take care of my body and my health. I must keep my mind active and strive to learn and expand it in as many ways as possible. I need to be strong with those who wear me down. It’s an obligation to Master, that i give it my best shot at controlling these day to day things…for my own benefit. There is no one else in this world who can do these things for me…the ultimate responsibility lies on my shoulders. We’ve all heard the same stories about submissives who seek Masters to fix the problems in their world. Sometimes the relinquishment of responsibility can be confused with surrendering control. Big mistake in my mind. In order to be the very best i can be for Him, i must first and foremost, be the very best i can be for me. From that, i am free to surrender my control to Him. He oversees is perhaps one way of putting it. I always know in my mind and my heart, that He is there supporting my efforts to be the best i can be. And i know that if i don’t fulfil my obligations, i will have to answer to Him.
But the surrender is deeper than that. The surrender goes to the very core of my existence. That’s only something that i have just come to terms with. This very much becomes a switch of focus between what i have just talked about, and His needs and desires with no thought to my own. These are complex thoughts. In saying that there is no thought to my own needs and desires, isn’t negating that i have them. It means that i trust that He has my needs and desires in His mind as part of His own needs and desires. In my surrender to Him, my focus is on Him…not on myself. It is His role to take care of what is His.
I guess in the beginning this was very much like jumping off a cliff…falling into a vast abyss…and not knowing whether i’d just fall, hit the bottom, or if i’d be caught. The joyful surprise was that i flew. With Him holding my hand…i flew.
He has challenged me in many ways. He has stirred the beast and He has led me into a whole new world of self-discovery and sexuality. It’s both shocked me and excited me. I have touched parts of my sensual being that i didn’t even know existed. I have stirred His depths too. As sexual beings…we’ve danced a wonderfully erotic and intense dance of lovers. I lose myself completely in Him once He has reclaimed what is His. Once i am taken, without thought, i exist for nothing more than to receive Him into my body. My only purpose to be used and loved and treated as He wants. The surrender is complete.
The release that comes from the intensity of our play is something that almost defies explanation for me. He pushes me to that point where i can’t hold back anymore….where i am so at His mercy and have surrendered my soul completely. He peels back the layers until it’s just me there in all my absolute vulnerability. And He lets the tears flow…kisses them away. I related well to the scene in the film Romance where she is tied for the first time, and then, in her innocence, breaks emotionally….sobs that come from somewhere deep and fill her completely. They aren’t a bad thing. It’s a cleansing…of letting out our deepest hurts. There is always a beautiful calm afterwards. Feeling completely surrounded by His love, His warmth and His strength. Feeling protected.
As i said at the very beginning, the surrender of control is an act of love. It’s something that can freely be given and accepted within a strong foundation of love, trust, respect and acceptance. So…perhaps i view it a little different to others who use D/s as a foundation for their play. Moving from Master to Master…scene to scene. Perhaps the surrender of control is a whole different level. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s part of the diversity that makes this lifestyle so interesting.
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3 Responses to To Surrender Control
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wonderfully written article (!) that has articulated exactly what it’s like, the beauty of this kind of relationship, and the fulfilling nature of the relinquishment of control. That part about bettering yourself for yourself, while in His name in ways, its like the power of your dominant rubs off on you and imbues your insides, and puts a fire (even in the ‘wateriest’ of submissives) and a drive (can be sexual, aspirational, etc.) In other words, very much MOTIVATED to be the best you could be, because it pleases you, in turn it pleasing Him, again that comes around and pleases yourself. This love is very potent indeed. Who knew, surrendering control to the right master, would in turn empower a slave with the ability to control themselves to become greater than they were alone/with the wrong person! Who knew?! We know! <3
personally, i can’t see any “relinquishment” of “control.” i can see delegating authority. i can see allowing oneself to be serviced. i can see cooperating in a scene. what i can’t see is letting go when nothing is let go, but acquired according to desire. i can see the fantasy being erotic. i can see mythologizing one’s life as a way to enhance daily living. but i also see a couple of everyday people playing a game that makes life more interesting, but no different, merely re-naming the parts, but really enjoying those parts even more for the re-naming.
i have read countless articles like this one. very passionate. very serious. very personal. what i find is that these are written by people very happy to have found a way to approach a relationship that provides excitement from trust exercises–which are lopsided and serve mostly to bond the giver with the taker, but not so much the taker with the giver.
i am learning that equality is my greatest sexual turn-on.
bdsm misses that mark by a light-year.
If you’re repulsed by BDSM, don’t play that way. But BDSM imagery pervades society. Henry Kissinger once called power “the ultimate aphrodisiac.” Kings and nations have fought to dominate others. Capitalism assumes a dog-eat-dog world where succeeding means exerting control. And in sports, players strive to “humiliate” opponents. But what kind of person feels sexually aroused by pain? Many people who are perfectly normal in every other respect. Again, consider sports: When football players make brilliant plays, teammates often slap their butts, punch them, or slap their helmets. Recipients accept this “abuse” gratefully as a sign of appreciation and affection. Or consider a hike up a mountain. You get sunburned. Thorns scratch your legs. And by the time you reach the summit, you’re aching and exhausted. Yet you feel exhilarated.