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Common Sense In Dom - sub

The bottom line to success in D/s type of relationship is the same as any – common sense. Common sense means you think and apply logic to all you hear. It means you think, and question again and again. You trust your gut feelings. All of that is what common sense is.

A submissive has to remember she is a person with rights and a mind and must use it. A Dom has to remember the same thing about himself as well as the submissive. A woman’/man’s submission and respect is not owed to just any man/woman claiming to be a Dom/Domme.

If you have never taken complete control of another person and experienced TPE, you are not a Dominant. But, you have dominant desires and urges, it is your nature or life experience has made you this way. Since you were not born with the knowledge, techniques, skill and imagination required to take control from a submissive. As a submissive, you have not had the experience and growth required in total surrender of all control and power with a Dom/Domme, you are not ready to take the role on without learning the basics first. Here are a few baby steps you must take without skipping to a first meet and session:

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There is no way to spot a Dominant at ten paces. Unfortunately many submissives, and particularly novices, are impressed by these superficial things, making it easy for Dominant fakers. Anyone can learn to swing a flogger, talk in BDSMspeak, and wear 13 pounds of leather; but these do not a Dominant make.

If you want a quality partner you’ll have to take some time and get to know them. In some ways, choosing a good Dominant is similar choosing a good partner in general. In others it’s quite different because of the unique style of our relationships. They key difference is that when we go into subspace, we make ourselves vulnerable in ways that we may never do with a vanilla partner. This makes the D/s relationship far riskier and we must take extra care when choosing partners. Here are some things to look for, to avoid, and to ignore in your search for a quality Dominant.

A Dominant Is…

Respect

A quality Dominant shows respect to submissives, and to everyone. He or she asks questions about your life, listens to the answers, and doesn’t put you down.

Balance

A quality Dominant keeps a balance between their vanilla and BDSM lives. They can talk about their family, pets, other things that have nothing to do with BDSM. They have a sense of humor about the lifestyle, and don’t take themselves too seriously. Avoid Dominants with a chip on their shoulder, or who cannot hold a job or keep friends. Especially avoid people who complain about their ex partners or about everyone else in the scene. One day you will be the ex and they will be bitching about you.

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First Time Play is different for everyone. How it comes about is different. Who it is done with. What you class as play. Different levels. Different situations. Different considerations. But there are some standards, that for safety’s sake, should be taken into account.

Many people had their first BDSM experience before the arrival of the internet. There wasn’t the same promotion of the SSC lifestyle, the lifestyle itself didn’t seem to be as cohesive as it is today (except for the Old Leather scene), and contact with other BDSMers was usually accidentally discovered or explored within relationships. There were no resources promoting safe ways to do what it is we do. Common sense had to be assumed.

For many, those first experiences occurred within loving relationships, where one partner bravely admitted a kinky desire to the other, and aspects of BDSM were explored that way. That was great…as long as the one doing the tying didn’t cut off circulation or do nerve damage. It was mainly trial and error. Something felt good…it worked. Something felt bad…figure out a way to do it next time that will make it feel good.

In a more current sense, with the advent of the internet, vast numbers of people now have access to information about the BDSM lifestyle. Whole new communities have sprung up internationally. Networks of BDSMers are commonplace now. It’s now easy to meet like minded people, if you have the courage to act on your desires. And, there are benefits and disadvantages to this as well. On one hand, the potential for meaningful, interactive relationships, no matter what their definition, is vastly enhanced. On the other hand, it also means that there are greater numbers of people seeking some kind of BDSM interaction with, sometimes, little knowledge of what it is they are actually doing or getting involved in. This means it can be risky. The idea is to minimize the risks.
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A UK BDSM club called Collared has taken on Facebook over its total ban on all kink and BDSM pages and groups, and has won a review of the policy. Last week Facebook wrote to Collared to confirm that it was actively enforcing a total ban on all fetish and BDSM content and that all fetish related groups and pages on its site will be subject to deletion without exception.

Collared had sought clarification of the policy followed the removal of the Facebook Collared Events page on February 4th. The Collared page was deleted by Facebook following a complaint from a site user.

However following extensive communication with senior staff of the company Collared has successfully lobbied the Internet giant to review the ban. Facebook is currently engaged in a wide ranging “internal dialogue” to clarify the prohibition and to determine whether a total ban is justified. Collared will be consulted throughout this process.

Facebook has reiterated that the review process will not necessarily result in a reversal of the ban. Instead it may focus on creating greater consistency, clarity and transparency in the enforcement of the prohibition.
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Sadism is pleasure in the infliction of pain or humiliation upon another person. This term describes consensual practices, often sexual, but not necessarily so, within the BDSM community. Sadist is one who is aroused, excited, or receives sexual gratification from inflicting pain on another. A sadist does not necessarily take pleasure in inflicting pain indiscriminately; for most sadists, the pleasure relies on knowing that the subject is also enjoying the experience. But these terms may be also used clinically, in psychotherapy, to describe mental illnesses, psychopathology or counterproductive coping mechanisms. Sadism is not necessarily associated with criminality or murder. The term sadist is thrown around very easily, the word itself may send signals, may attract and is quite often used to paint a picture that fits the world of fantasy. A seal, if you like, of quality play to come for some. Forbidden fruit always tastes the best. Some may visualise themselves as sadists but that may not necessarily be the case. They may just be extreme in some areas. Have a particular bent that is somewhat darker. Dread… political correctness, is there are some that fit the definition of a sadist however display the controls within themselves to play safely. There are some that don’t.

The word “sadism” was derived from the name of Donatien Alphonse Francois, better known as the Marquis de Sade, a French author who lived from 1740 to 1814, famous for his works of sexual arousal driven by physical suffering. He was imprisoned without trial as an “administrative punishment”, for fear of scandal, after the publishing of “Justine”, and “Juliette”. Later declared insane he was transferred to Charenton Asylum where in 1814 he died of ill health aged 74. De Sade spent 27 years of his adult life in prisons, dungeons, and asylums throughout France for reasons that included “excesses committed in a brothel”, kidnapping and sexual assault, poisoning, and homosexual sodomy. The German psychologist Richard von Krafft-Ebing in 1898 gave sadism the professional definition: a sexual perversion with strong impulses to coitus, coupled with prepatory acts of maltreatment, even murder (necrophilia, then called “lustmurder”) which occurs primarily because of an inability to be satisfied with coitus.
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A Vancouver man’s enthusiasm for bondage and his pagan beliefs were not the reason he was denied a permit to drive a limousine, the B.C. Human Rights Tribunal has ruled. Peter Hayes had alleged that the Vancouver Police Board and specifically Const. Kevin Barker denied him a chauffeur’s permit because of his religion and sexual orientation. But tribunal member Heather MacNaughton wrote in a decision dismissing Hayes’s complaint Tuesday that police legitimately believed Hayes “posed a risk of acting violently, coercively or inappropriately towards customers as a limousine driver.”

According to tribunal documents, Hayes says that he is a practicing Pagan and that his sexual orientation is BDSM. Hayes describes himself as a “lifestyler” who wants BDSM to permeate all aspects of his life. He is also bisexual and enjoys the company of multiple sexual partners. He applied for a chauffeur’s permit with the Vancouver Police Department’s taxi unit in May 2005, and was interviewed by Barker, who was tasked with vetting his application.

Hayes arrived at the interview dressed all in black: black trench coat, black shirt, black dress pants, black tie and shiny black military boots. When Barker asked what the occasion was for all the black, Hayes testified that he said he always wore black, like many Pagans.
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Subspace (also sub space, headspace, flying, or floating) is a specific state of mind that a submissive may enter, particularly after intense activities and/or (depending on the person) intense pain play, characterized by euphoria, bliss, a strong feeling of well-being, or even a state similar to intoxication. Thought to be related to the release of endorphins in the brain. The euphoria associated with subspace may last for hours or sometimes even days after the activity ceases.

Subspace is a metaphor for the state the bottom’s mind and body is in during a deeply involved play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses. The psychological aspect of BDSM also causes many bottoms to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Deep subspace may also cause a danger in newer bottoms who are unfamiliar with the experience, and require the dominant to keep a careful watch to ensure the bottom isn’t placing him or her self in danger. Many bottoms require aftercare while returning from subspace.

Subspace is a form of trance. Trance in its essence is a state of being, different from your “normal” state of being. During trance your mind excludes most of its input and concentrates on just one or only very few impulses, completely disregarding all others. Trance is the result of hormonal activity. Hormones are substances in your body, responsible for communication between the brain and the cortex and the rest of the body. For subspace a group of hormones, called “peptides” is important. Peptides are amino acids. Many look like morphine and have attributes, that can be compared to morphine. For subspace endorphins – a group of such peptides – are an important ingredient.
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Infernal Restraints is a successor to the legendary BDSM site Insex. Insex was one of the biggest BDSM websites on the Internet and arguably the most extreme American pornographic production featuring female submissives. It was also a leading innovator in both live video streaming, pioneering the concept before broadband Internet access existed, and in the depiction of BDSM practices on the Internet. Insex developed a cult following among BDSM enthusiasts due to its uncommonly severe and realistic depiction of sadomasochistic practices. It was also known for its interactive “Live Feeds” which allowed members to make direct suggestions and requests. It existed from 1997 to 2005 and was run by “Intersec Interactive Inc.”, a company owned by the website’s creator, Brent Scott, former Carnegie Mellon professor, Dom and bondage legend known as “PD”. Many prominent names in fetish modeling either started at Insex or passed through it at one point in their career, as did bondage riggers including such figures as Claire Adams, Cyd Black, Princess Donna and Matt Williams, who all went on to work for the internet pornography company Kink.

In the fall of 2005, Insex announced it was looking for a buyer, because “continuing to produce Insex from the U.S. would be too great a potential liability.” It came as a result of attempts by the U.S. government to limit internet pornography, specifically by implementing a FBI anti-obscenity initiative in August 2005; an FBI memorandum stated that productions where the content includes “urination, defecation, as well as sadistic and masochistic behavior” would “most likely” be legally targeted. So in 2005 Insex ended the production of original BDSM material. But in the same year Brent Scott started to create two new BDSM themed web sites, named Hardtied and Infernal Restraints, so Scott would have an avenue to continue to produce and sell content for the web. Infernal Restraints is the Source of original extreme device bondage porn from the creators of Insex and bondage legend PD.
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A British motor racing boss Robin Mortimer has died allegedly after taking part in an intense femdom session at a villa near Brecht, Belgium. Mortimer is believed to have collapsed in the shower after a meeting with two dominatrixes in a dungeon. Such deaths are very rare in the BDSM world and most people (without serious underlying health problems) remain at more risk of death just getting out of a bath in their own homes. Despite it a 46-year-old dominatrix known as Mistress Lucrezia and her assistant Mistress Juno, 37, have been arrested. They are suspected of assault and battery leading to death, without intent to kill.

Robin Peter Mortimer, 58, from Coventry, Warwickshire, was founder of RPM Motorsport, a British touring car team, and leaves behind wife Bridget and motor racing driver son Alex. Robin Mortimer is the son of grand prix driver Charles Mortimer. He had made many motorcycle Grand Prix appearances in a 35-year career as a rider before switching to sports car racing in 1989. His son Alex, a BT British Championship winner, hopes to compete in the International GT Open taking place at Belgium’s Spa-Francorchamps. It was no surprise that Robin Mortimer’s wife was unaware of his passion for BDSM, as few men have the courage to reveal their fantasies with their wives or girlfriends.
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Reviewing porn sites is always a pleasure – the best job in the world, we’d even say. The whole thing gets even more appealing when the sites that you get to review are really hot. Just like painriser.com.

In fact, even though the name of this resource clearly states that you will be offered to enjoy BDSM stories here, there will be something even bigger available for your entertainment. The point is that painriser.com also spices its fiction works up with a good deal of free BDSM galleries. In other words, you will not have to use your fantasy all the time when you are at this site and when you are reading its stories. The will be some visual aids to complement the whole thing, you know what we mean.

Basically, painriser.com is a typical blog, though a blog dedicated to a bunch of very untypical things. Straight BDSM and male BDSM, brutal CBT, BDSM humiliation and, on top of it all, stunningly perverted and stunningly arousing fiction dedicated to soapy enema punishment. Well, what we say is that here you are very likely to find something that will match your taste no matter how exquisite it is.

We don’t think we have got any reason to suspect painriser.com of supplying non-exclusive stuff – at least when we talk about the stories. The quality of free pics supplied is something that deserves an additional description – all of them are high-resolution ones and… well, the work of the camera guy gets tons of praise from me here. All the angles, all the poses are picked so blamelessly.
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